I count them one by one
And when I am done
I count them again
And when I’m through
My thoughts to gather
I can’t remember when they didn’t matter

     Desires and wants wrapped in expectations
Drops that flow without hesitation
Musings from the past that never go away
Unfinished melodies that refuse to play

One day ends another begins
My thoughts encumbered
And when all my days are numbered
That’s the day I stop counting

 Bitterness bites
Snaps at the heart
Out of control
Tears you apart

Rooted in the soul
Bitter for sweet
Once in control
Its purpose complete

Sharp as a sword
Piercing asunder
Hearts own bitterness
No small wonder

Hatred
Anger
Jealously
Resentment
Misplaced contentment

Left unrestrained
The heart doesn’t mend
Sweet for bitter
Or a bitter end
***********
“Each heart has its own bitterness
And no one else can share its joy”
Proverbs(14:10)

           “See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” Hebrews(12-15)

Imaginations drift
To my inner fantasies
Wild sensations
That transcend reality

Deep fantasies
Out of control
Mental images
That reach my very soul

Phantasm
Figment of the mind
Recondite impressions
Profoundly left behind

My mental reservations
My mental imagery
Yet
How bizarre it is
To always find you
In my fantasies

This is my song
Its rhythm its rhyme
In three-quarter time
An imaginary song
Twelve bars long
Played in the key of “D”
A sweet fragrant melody

Its lyrics printed in time
Forever played out in my mind
My unforgettable melody
No one takes it from me
Thieves may steal
I shall never reveal
The song of my youth
*************************
“The music in my heart I bore
Long after it was heard no more”
William Wordsworth

Dreams are never promised
Desires never claimed
Left only with expectations
Many linger many fade
Lost forever
Reaching for the sky
You stare and wonder
And never know why

Wounded dreams
Dreams denied
Sent to repose
And there they lie
In the valley of dreams
Where dreams go to die

Following the night
Walking the streets
Searching for a dream
Walking up and down
On the dark side of town
I entered its game
Feeling no shame
To find myself
Living on borrowed love

Sometimes you find
You can’t erase
An image from your mind

An image tattooed to your heart
An image stamped ’forever’
It will always be
No matter where you go or do
You carry it around with you

At times so real
You reach out to touch
You can almost feel
The gentle caress
That means so much

A mental photograph
In black and white
Kept in a wallet
Out of sight

An image that lives
As long as you care
But less you forget
It will disappear

An image in reverse
A blessing or a curse
Only it knows
Staring back

It reads your stare
Tells the truth
Opens your eyes
Exposes your lies

You cannot escape
Trapped in an image
Of your own making
You attempt to cover up
But you cannot hide
For it looks inside

Your private confessional
Offering you a plea
Your can change what it sees
Or you can turn away
********************

Why do you look at something
But never see it?

Pardon me if I seem distant
Forgive me if I don’t respond
Excuse me if I show indifference
I apologize for being so inaccessible

I have stored my feelings
Reserved for a better day
I have closed my eyes
I have emptied my heart
I have torn the pages apart
If you look around I can’t be found

Pardon me if I seem to stare
Forgive me if I don’t seem to care
Excuse me for the way I act
I apologize for my behavior
Losing someone can be unbearable
So count me emotionally unavailable
**************************************
“There is no greater sorrow than to recall
Happiness in times of misery”
Dante

Silence can speak a thousand words
Words never spoken words never heard
A stillness that shows no expression
Written in the heart but never pronounced

Silence hides your feelings
Denies you love
Masks your anger
Covers your sins

Secretive lips with gazing eyes
Verbal thoughts paralyzed
Expressions of love you fail to mention
Never brought to someone’s attention

Never revealed kept in a dream
You continue to play out
With nothing to say
You remain silent
*********************
“In silence you can’t hide anything
…As you can in words”
August Strindberg
The Ghost Sonata